Current mood: 
thankful
If you browse through childhood photos of me, you will see a relatively normal kid, albeit a goofy one. If you’re a little overweight in elementary school, you’re “cute”. Once you reach middle school, you’re more “chubby”, and then finally it’s high school that labels you “fat”. Teenagers can be very cruel, but oddly enough, adults can be the worst when it comes to pointing out the obvious. If you’re overweight, odds are that you know it.
I’ve never been so overweight that it was a health concern, but just enough so that teenage girl’s could snicker or roll their eyes as I shopped for clothes too close to the “normal sized” aisles. You see, in this great country of ours, size 14 and up is considered plus-sized. The problem is that it’s all relative. I am 5′10″ – so I’ve always given myself a little wiggle room there. It doesn’t help that we are so preoccupied with image that we literally encourage these kinds of obnoxious kids and adults to whisper and point. (And I thank GOD for every single inch of my height.)
I’ve never hated myself, but I have spent many an hour in front of the mirror being disheartened and depressed. I would finally find something to wear, just to go to a store and catch a glimpse in another mirror – the dreaded mirror – and flinch at what I saw. Invariably at this point, I just wanted to go home.
I always promised myself that if I ever lost the weight I wanted to lose, and looked the way I truly felt best, I would never behave like those who had delighted in making me so uncomfortable. This is just something I know about myself. I don’t take personal pleasure in watching others cry or avert their eyes. I guess I’m just not that shallow. The trick is, as you lose weight, you do gain confidence. It’s all part and parcel. But for those of you who have struggled with weight and then lost it – fair warning – it can and often does come back, and it brings friends. So be mindful of your own karma.
I used to say I could never follow the Slim-Fast plan. They simply taste too good! Now a chocolate shake with a meal? No problem! But 2 shakes a day instead of 2 meals? Forget it! Yet earlier this year, my husband decided he too wanted to lose some weight, so he jumped on the Slim-Fast bandwagon. I watched as week by week, he got slimmer and slimmer. (Hence the name, I guess.) I finally decided that if he could do so well, I should give it a shot too. So I did.
Since Monday, August 18th I’ve lost 17.5 pounds, an average of almost 3 pounds a week. Apparently 1 pound a week is ideal, but I am in NO way complaining. I’ve gone down 2 jean sizes. I’m more flexible. I have more endurance. I literally feel, well, lighter. I also have more confidence, but mainly because I’m not so concerned about my appearance now. The other day my husband and I walked through a store and I noticed I wasn’t looking down as people passed by. I felt confident. I just didn’t care.
Don’t get me wrong…I’ve still got a good ways to go. I’ve still got these chipmunk cheeks (cabbage patch head as I call it) and my tummy is still way too pokey…reminiscent of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. I have another 14 pounds to lose to be at my first super goal. Then probably another 15 after that. I’ll see how I feel. I’m not concerned with the “national standard”, I’m concerned with how I look and feel. Again, I’m tall and built like a female linebacker. It’s safe to say that size 8 is probably not in the cards for me. But I’m totally fine with that.
I want to thank my loved ones for all their support throughout this process. My husband and parents have been very encouraging, and know when I have to be tough with myself. My best friends have consistently cheered me on and complimented me – and I know it’s sincere. I’m no Heidi Klum, let’s face it hehehe….but that’s ok with me.
The bottom line is being happy with yourself at ANY size. Whether you wear a 2 or a 20, be who you are. If you’re underweight or overweight, and it’s at an unhealthy level, be proactive about taking good care of yourself. A woman is not guaranteed happiness because she weighs 100 pounds, anymore than a woman is guaranteed misery at 200 pounds. (And by the way, you can be overweight and healthy too. My sister-in-law is tiny in my eyes, yet our family doctor tells her to lose weight. He’s never once suggested it to me. The reason is that she had gestational Diabetes with her youngest child.) Family medical history does play a big role, but just try to be as healthy as you can at whatever size feels best.
As for the Slim-Fast, it really does work. The first day was ROUGH. I wanted to eat everything in sight. The second day was not as bad, and by the fourth I felt better about things. It takes patience. You aren’t going to lose 10 pounds in a week, unless you ingest nothing but Slim-Fast. (I wouldn’t recommend that.) Another thing that has helped is my exercise regimine. Yeah I know, the dreaded “E-word”. It’s true though, you simply have to burn more than you consume. I use our Wii Fit every morning, then ride my bike for 20 minutes every evening. The one meal I do eat every day is usually a baked potato, or a chicken salad sandwich. And yes, I eat ice cream probably once a week at least. This is not about starving yourself, or completely denying yourself. When you do that, you end up losing your mind one day and binge on anything you can find. Then you’re right back to square one. If you eat something decadent one day, just exercise a few extra minutes the next day. It’s really not that hard.
Our fridge is full of strawberry, french vanilla, rich chocolate royale and cappucino blast Slim-Fast Optima. (The Optima, as opposed to the regular variety, has 30 fewer calories and an appetite suppressant. Nothing jittery or obnoxious though.) Other than that, you’ll find a stray potato and some Diet Coke. Our freezer has an assortment of Lean Pockets and Michelina’s Lean Gourmet snacks. (I highly recommend the pepperoni pizza snacks..taste just like pizza rolls!) We’re saving a lot of money on groceries, so that never hurts.
I will continue to post my photos, and I thank everyone for the kind words. Once I reach my goal, or rather, the weight I’m comfiest at, I will do my best to maintain that size. I’m not going to be a Barbie doll and I have no desire to be. I just want to feel good about myself on the outside. I’m a pretty decent person on the inside. Sometimes you just want it to match.
And to my husband, who has now lost 40 pounds, KEEP IT UP! You gave me the courage to try it myself – I’m proud of you!
